Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Wherein Paper is Eaten

Dear Mr. Cat,

Why are you eating the paper out of the bags from our Christmas presents? I put them there so that my wife - you know, the one of us that likes you - would have a wonderful Christmas present that fills with her joy. Do you not want your mother to have a little joy on Christmas?

Or do you just hate Christmas? Are you secretly Jewish, or perhaps an Atheist? Or are you simply evil, just like your brother? He's been talking to you about his galavanting adventures the last time we put up the Nativity scene, hasn't he?

All right, for the last time, the Nativity is NOT for your enjoyment. It is for OUR enjoyment. There was not a single giant cat in the true Nativity, so shall there not be one in ours. The song doesn't go, "The little Lord Jesus / asleep on - OH MY DEAR GOODNESS WHY IS THERE A TWENTY-FOOT TALL CAT STROLLING THE STREETS OF BETHLEHEM AND OF ALL PLACES IN THIS LITTLE TOWN HOW COULD HE FIND THIS ONE TINY MANGER?? OH NO, HE'S AFTER THE CHILDREN! SWEET CAT-EATEN BABY JESUS, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE MR. CAT????" No, see, that's not how the song goes at all. And stop grinning hungrily at the thought.

I'm onto you, jackass Mr. Cat.

Love always,

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